Courage to change

Courage to change is a true story I have extracted from my book “do’s and dont’s of relationships”.

Anne was a thirty-five-year-old woman who concluded that she would never find a man. She had resigned herself to the fact that loneliness was her fate. Although beautiful and educated (she was the best looking and best educated among her family members), she had many underlying problems. She had grown up in a family where she was led to believe no man would ever want her, and she had a negative view of relationships and life in general. She was terrified of being touched or kissed by men.

For many years she worked in the family business for minimum wage. Sadly, she was willing to work under those terms until the day she died because she had accepted that she was the black sheep of the family.

To help change Anne’s beliefs about finding love, I suggested that she start dating. But she was afraid.  She declined, saying, “Who wants me? No man will date a woman like me.” I tried my best to let Anne know that she was a very attractive woman. All she needed to do was believe there was a man out there for her. She was so afraid that no man would accept her, the thought of having to start dating made her cry. I began to feel sorry for her. I couldn’t understand why she was so scared to venture outside. I eventually gave her an ultimatum.

“Anne, you can do it,” I told her. “I am willing to help you but if you are going to come to me for advice, only to make one excuse after the other, then why bother? Don’t waste my time. Anne, you must try. Give guys a chance to take you out, at least in the daytime. If you are concerned about your safety, tell someone about your date, where you will be going and what time you should be home. Give the person your date’s name and phone number. Don’t let your date pick you up from your mom’s house. Meet him somewhere in the open. That way he won’t know where you live and you won’t have to worry about him coming to look for you.” I proceeded to tell Anne that unless she was willing to try dating, I didn’t see why she should continue coming to me for help.

At the same time, a couple I knew was visiting from the U.S. I invited Anne to have dinner with this couple and me in the hopes that the wife would befriend Anne. Anne didn’t have any friends except me and some people I’d introduced her to. Unfortunately, no one wanted to befriend Anne because she was so negative about everything. People simply did not want to be around her. After dinner, we began to converse. I tried to encourage Anne to leave home and be her own woman. As we talked, the wife shared the following story with Anne:

“Once there was an eaglet that grew up with ducks,” she began. “When the eaglet grew strong wings to fly, the mother duck told the eaglet, ‘You hatched with ducks but you are not a duck. You are an eagle. Eagles don’t walk; they fly. So fly away to be with eagles.’ The eaglet replied, ‘No, I am not an eagle. I am a duck. I cannot fly.’ The mother duck said to the eagle, ‘Yes, you are an eagle. You were hatched by a duck but you are an eagle. You can fly.’ The eaglet was afraid to try. ‘No, I cannot fly,’ it replied. ‘I am a duck. If I try to fly, I will fall.’

The mother duck replied, ‘You are an eagle. You don’t belong here. Fly and be with your own kind, and you will be much happier. Try, please try. Eagles fly; they don’t walk.’ The eagle thought for a minute, and then began to stretch and flap its wings. It bounced around a little, and then jumped up and flew. As it lifted off the ground, it realized it could fly and began to soar in the air.”

We all sat and listened to this emotional story. I wept and so did Anne. I cared about her so much. I wanted her to find happiness.

Not long afterwards, and with a little encouragement and support, Anne moved out of her parents’ basement. She found her own apartment and a full-time job at a local hotel. She began to date and soon met a man who cared for her. Although dating was difficult and frightening at first, Anne tried and when she did, she soared.

Did you find this true story helpful?

Sometimes, all it takes to find love is a little self confidence

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